Just don't say a thing.

You know I should just keep quiet somtimes. Maybe then I wouldnt attract the opposite?

Today, Sue and I went out to eat. We were greeted and ushered to a corner with a window and a view of hotel balconies..and I thought, "this is nice...at least I can see something other than flourescent lights and cow print." and then I thought, "Hold on...there are no kids around us!". And I was thrilled. Not having a single screaming, teeny tiny shithead smacking me with a pink helium balloon would make my afternoon just that much better. Oh the glory. Of course, I had to open my mouth and express my appreciation for this.

I had to.

No less than 5 minutes later with my head buried somewhere between day- old lettuce and soggy chips drenched in spur sauce, I heard that terrifying phrase ONLY a girl can make, "aaah CUUUUUTE." ah crap.

It was harnessed and sleeping...peaceful little Hannibal Lecter. Fresh out of the womb it couldn't walk. Praise Jesus. No running past me meant I could finish my burger without my peripheral vision being struck with sugar balls of lightning and motion blur.

I actually thought we were going to get out unscathed by irritation...but alas. Dark Lord Sauron's chief executive Orc awoke...obviously hungry as hell and making no bones about letting the world know. Especially me apparently...and so we had to finish our meal to the sound of fresh lungs.

So there it is...the irony. Relentless irony, the price one pays for having a big mouth.